The Genesee Reflection #3

"I have always had the strange desire to be different than other people.  I probably do not differ in this desire from other people.  Thinking about this desire and how it has functioned in my life, I am more and more aware of the way my life-style became part of our contemporary desire for 'stardom.'  I wanted to say, write or do something 'different' or 'special' that would be noticed and talked about."

On Saturday, July 13th, 1974, Henri Nouwen wrote these words.  On Thursday, March 15th, 2012, I read these words and realized he could have written these words about me.  I have never wanted to be status quo...Even from my earliest memories I wanted to be faster, stronger, wiser, and smarter.

I remember when I was around 6 or 7 years old, my family was in our backyard playing baseball.  My dad always had a huge maroon glove that he got when he played softball in a church league.  Some how, (I can't  remember if we were playing catch or if he was pitching to my brother) I was on the opposite end of our fenced in backyard when the ball rolled to me.  I picked it up, locked my focus on the huge maroon glove, and fired...It went exactly to the place my dad held the glove.  He didn't have to move it an inch.  I still remember the reaction by my parents.  They were in amazement.  There were smiles on their faces.  They verbally told me how amazing that was and that I had a really special ability.  I was different.

I know this reaction affected me greatly in a positive way...However, it seems that ever since, no matter what I do, I strive for this same reaction from everyone after everything I do.  If I don't get this type of reaction then I feel what I did was just merely average...normal...not worth a response.  Getting praised is addicting.  Living for the glory of God instead of the glory of people is very difficult for me.  I know I am special and unique in God's eyes...I also know that a life must live to completion before the chance of hearing from Him, "Well done, good and faithful servant".  Sometimes the wait is brutal...